Saturday, October 29, 2011

Hakuna Matata!


I totally think there should be a ‘Laugh and let laugh’ instead of 'Live and let live'. I find laugh so synonymous with life. “A day without laughter is a day wasted”, as quoted by Charlie Chaplin.”So, we all have problems. Yes, life can be pretty rough sometimes. I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humour in it. Not just in life, I think humour as a whole is so important in life.Maybe finding humour in these problems may not solve them, but admit it, it does make you and the people around you happy for a moment, and believe me, those little moments that make you happy are way greater than those many hurdles in your life.

Nobody is perfect and I am nobody. We can’t always be what the world wants us to be. So are you just an average guy or a girl, with no extraordinary skills, and almost the butt of jokes? Take it all with a pinch of salt. It’s the ability to take a joke, not make one that proves your sense of humour. It’s a funny little world we have. If our heart has been made to be broken, remember it’s also the same heart that is capable of making your best friends smile and crack up when their hearts are broken. Give your heart a chance to forget the tears, think of your problems in the wackiest way possible! Don’t waste away your life by thinking of all the heart burns or problems. You must be thinking that for me it’s probably very easy to say, since I’ve not even walked a step in your shoes, maybe it is true, but by reminiscing about the share of problems I’ve had in my life, all I do is think of those funny moments that happened, the funny moments that could have happened and the funny moments that are happening because of the concerned problem. When I say all this, I don’t mean that people are just not supposed to cry or crying is for the weak. Certainly not. Without being preachy, I’d say something most of you all have heard before, crying does not mean you’re weak, it just means that you’ve been strong for too long. But just remember, when you smile the whole world does smile with you, whether you believe it or not. How comforting is to see your loved ones laugh?! The joy is immeasurable.

So folks, been dumped by your partner? No problem! Just look at the line of suitors waiting for you to turn single. Being mocked at? Laugh along with the people mocking you! It’ll really amaze them. You’re broke? Those little meals are way better than a 3-course 5-star spread. Enjoy them. Failed a test? Now that’s a high. At least you’re good at something, failing a test.

Anybody can be emo , but it takes real nerves to hold up a laugh, look up and say “Bring it on life!” Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Whatever happens, do not turn behind.


Heard this line before? Oh sure you have, unless you do not watch horror movies. So, Paranormal Activity 3 just released and one reason I'm really looking forward to it because of the way it's made (à la Blairwitch Project).I’m the kind of person who watches horror movies that would make you pee in your pants, trying to show off all the daredevilry and then clings to her Mom the entire night. But that's not the only thing horror movies have done to me, they taught me so much over the years. Oh wait, before you start getting all freaked out, my 'learning process' has nothing got to do with the psychos and ghosts from the movies. I'm a perfectly healthy and normal person to be with. There are these certain stereotypes associated with this entire genre of horror movies. You just have to see these things and you know that it’s nothing but a horror movie.

1. The actress who gets killed first ALWAYS has to be skimpily dressed. She’s either in a towel, or wearing a very skimpy nightie no girl in real life would wear unless she’s on her honeymoon.

2. According to horror movies, the only thing teenagers do is have sex and kill people on the roads. Then, traditionally the person they accidentally killed has to come back and haunt them as a revenge. And what about the sex? Well, our testosterone and estrogen driven teenagers NEED to have sex while they’re obviously unaware of the huge massacre going on. So, the guy gets killed first, the girl does some screaming business and before you know it, she gets killed too.

3. Everything happens at 3am! If you've watched ‘The Exorcist’ or ‘The Exorcism of Emily Rose’, you know why I say this.

4.
There’s always a creepy little kid who does not usually speak and when he does, it’s always in a language you can’t comprehend. Till then, non-verbal gestures and awkward eye contacts do all the talking.

5. Ghosts are multi-lingual. That’s right! They cast spells or curse you in languages only they or the priest can understand. My take? Befriend them and learn new languages for free!

6. The kid in the movie ALWAYS has an ugly toy usually a doll or a joker who talks. And believe me, usually, it’s possessed. When I was a kid, my toys were never this creepy.

7. And we’re back to our not-so-innocent teenagers. The most common and done-to-death way of calling spirits? Planchit(Excuse me for the spelling if wrong) or the Ouija board. They have to do it in every freaking camp or an adventure trip. And I thought trekking and adventure sports were the deal.

8. Back home, in India, the biggest and probably the only makers of horror movies have been the Ramsay brothers(except Mukesh Bhatt and well, erm.. RGV).There’s always a deserted village with a bunch of tormented people which is visited by a group of ‘Shehri log’ and right after they reach their destination, there comes an old, feeble station master or a coolie(always played by the same guy) who asks the urban-ites to not venture into the haunted village or the ‘Haveli’.

9. Female ghosts are always good singers. They are always singing, looking for their lovers who were separated from them. They’re also well-accessorized (read Payal).

10. Whatever happens, the woman is ALWAYS the victim! She was either sexually abused or killed by her husband on her wedding night. Once she’s an ‘Aatma’ she starts looking for the man who had ruined her life and eventually kills him.

11. If there’s no ending a film maker can find for his horror movie, just make the lead actor say a holy chant or flash a sacred and holy locket and *BAM* you get rid of the ghost FOREVER. Couldn't you have done this before? What were you doing all this while running and screaming?!

So, as you see, making a horror movie is no rocket science. Find some scary looking people, too much white powder and any one of the above formulae as per your ‘creativity’. Your horror movie is ready! But remember, Whatever happens, DO NOT TURN BEHIND...


Thursday, October 20, 2011

Rahul, naam toh suna hoga?

Raj, Rahul, Veer, Khan,G.One, call him anything you want... when the King appears on the screen, there's absolutely no lady who can escape his charm. When he laughs, I laugh, when he cries,I cry and when he romances, my heart skips a beat! You must be probably laughing by now and just passing me off as another Shahrukh Khan fanatic. But there's so much more to it.He's probably someone who taught me what romance is.. however I have no clue whether I should thank him for recreating a fairy tale on screen or get upset for making me harbor totally unrealistic expectations from men and romance.
From playing a man suffering from Asperger Syndrome to a young man singing 'Tujhe Dekha Toh Yeh Jaana Sanam' to a deadly villainous Don we hate to love, there's no hat he hasn't donned.If perfection is overrated, maybe I'm overrating Shahrukh Khan.
There are some people in this world who inspire and some people whom we love, and then there is Shahrukh, who inspires and makes us fall in love. Whatever I say is no different, the world knows how this Pathani Delhi-bred boy who once didn't have a penny in his pocket to pay for the tea from a little stall outside Jamia Millia worked his way up to accomplish his long standing Mannat.
If there was anything such as an Alpha female, I would probably call myself one, with my own individual sensibilities of love, however when he says that "Hum ek baar jite hain, ek baar marte hain, shaadi bhi ek baar hoti hai, aur pyar....ek hi baar hota hai" in 'Kuch Kuch Hota Hai', I want to believe. Not to forget how envious I get when he says K-K-K-Kiran ( Well,Kiran is my Mom's name :P)
To the guy who makes every girl want to be a 'Chammak Challo' or a Simran, keep writing new chapters of romance every day!
Signing off, "Hum hai rahi pyaar ke,phir milenge, chalte chalte" :)

video

Don’t we all just love Auto Rickshaws?



Meter jams, Rickshaw strikes, hole in the pocket, pricey Rickshawalas? Yes, we’ve all been there and gone through that. Rickshaws are as much a part of Mumbai roads, as are potholes. Love them, hate them, we all know we can’t ignore them!

Not one Mumbaikar has been spared of even a single encounter with our dearest Rickshawalas! I remember stomping my feet after stepping out of the Rickshaw when a grumpy old Rickshawala kicked me and my friend out for (as he put it) too much ‘Chillam chilli ‘( who wouldn’t scream after coming across a hoarding which read ‘Sale at Mango’ ?!)

My Rickshaw encounters are plenty, be it being kicked out, picking up a fight with the Rickshawala or sitting through an idiotic Rickshawala’s conscious attempts to kick start a conversation(No, Rickshawalas don’t hit on me)

But at the end of the day don’t we just love Rickshaws??? Honest opinion, who does not enjoy seeing Rickshawalas get into fights and hurl abuses at each other, use unheard cuss words, the kind of words our parents struggled our entire childhood to keep us away from? Do you not enjoy coming across a couple getting ‘up, close and personal’ in the Rickshaw right next to yours? Well, I do.

We criticise them, we miss them, we hate them, we need them. The fact remains that Rickshaws are here to stay!

Give me a break!

This one’s for all the ladies!

Do we really have to know how to cook? How about mothers dragging their sons to the kitchen when they reach their, well, err… Justin Bieber stage?! It’s high time Moms, start teaching your boys to cook as well, or at least educate them to get rich enough when they grow to be able order food from a restaurant everyday! Give the ladies a break!

No, having a boyfriend or a husband is NOT the most important thing in the world. Just because I’m single does NOT mean I’m a lesbian, or there’s something wrong with my hormones! Maybe I’m a lady who prioritizes her career, maybe I’m just tired of commitment phobic, two timing men around me or maybe I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE! Give me a break, like seriously.

So, your wife HAS to be a virgin while you can get all the action you want before marriage? Dear ‘I’m a typical male chauvinist pig’, trying finding your brain in the same trash can from where your parents picked you up and took you home. Or maybe you can ask your ‘Mummy’ to find you the perfect bride ‘Fair. Convent educated. Working and not to forget VIRGIN.’ Practice what you preach and if you can’t, then give me a break!

Domestic violence? How about we start hitting men back? If you have belts, we have ‘Belans’ , if you have ‘Jhaapad’ we have ‘Mirchi ka powder’! We’re armed and fabulous and can sure kick some a** ! If you think girls are biologically inferior? Then please , give me a break!

Just because I flirt, does not mean I want to date you! Girls can flirt too! That’s right, you heard it! Marriage and long-term relationships are not the only things we think about. So honey, don’t flatter yourself and GIVE ME A BREAK!

p.s The following post has nothing to do with any person dead or alive.Any resemblance is unintentional... or maybe not! :P